Why Being "Strong" All the Time Isn’t Always Healthy: A Therapist’s Take
In our hustle culture and mental toughness era, being told you're “strong” might feel like the highest compliment. As a therapist, though, I often see the hidden pressure behind that word. The truth is, being strong all the time isn’t sustainable, and constantly striving for it can quietly erode your emotional well-being. It’s ok to not be ok. Being strong doesn’t mean you can’t express your feelings. Have a soft heart and a strong back.
Let’s explore why “strong” might be an overrated label—and why vulnerability, softness, and authenticity deserve just as much praise.
The Hidden Pressure of Being Seen as "Strong"
When clients tell me, “Everyone says I’m so strong”, there’s often a pause, then a confession:
“But I’m exhausted.”
“I feel like I’m falling apart.”
“I wish I didn’t have to be. Why do I always have to be the strong one?”
While “strong” may sound empowering, it can also become a silent rule:
Don’t show pain. Don’t ask for help. Don’t fall apart. Keep it all together.
These difficult beliefs contribute to:
Emotional suppression
Increased anxiety
Burnout and disconnection
We begin to believe that strength means silence—and that’s a heavy burden to carry. In transparency, I have experienced some significant difficulties in my life and I started to get upset when people commented about how “strong” I was. I certainly didn’t feel strong, I felt like my world was falling apart and crumbling. I told people I wasn’t strong… but I was resilient… and then Resilient Counseling was born. But I digress.
Emotional Strength ≠ Emotional Invisibility
The cultural definition of “strong” often looks like this:
Holding it together no matter what
Powering through without complaining
Never letting others see you struggle
But this is a narrow (and honestly, outdated) view of emotional strength. I tell my clients frequently that it takes real strength and courage to ask for help and support. My clients who show up and do the hard work are the ones with the strength.
True resilience isn’t about pretending you’re unaffected. It’s about:
Naming your feelings
Setting boundaries
Allowing yourself to rest and receive help
You are not weak for needing support or help. You are human.
Why Vulnerability Is a Form of Strength
One of the biggest myths I work to dismantle is that vulnerability is weakness. I want to take a moment here to thank Brene Brown for her incredible work with researching vulnerability. Her work has transformed me and my clients.
In reality, vulnerability is emotional courage. It means:
Saying “I’m not okay” without shame
Reaching out for help when you’re overwhelmed
Letting others see the real, imperfect you
Brené Brown said it best: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to belonging.” So why do we treat it like failure? What we need more than ever
Being open—especially when you're used to being the strong one—might be the bravest thing you ever do.
The Strength in Softness: Why Gentle Is Powerful
Let’s flip the script.
What if being soft, gentle, and emotionally available was seen as powerful?
Think about it:
Water is soft—and it carves through stone.
Pillows are soft—and they hold our heads when we rest.
A calm presence can transform a tense room.
Softness doesn’t mean passivity. It means adaptability. Empathy. Presence.
Soft strength is being rooted and responsive—not rigid and closed off. As I said earlier, keep your heart soft and have a strong back. Being soft doesn’t mean weakness. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak.
Let Go of the “Strong” Label: Embrace Your Full Humanity
If you’re tired of always being the strong one, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to keep performing that role. As I said earlier, flip the script.
Here’s your permission slip:
You’re allowed to feel messy and unsure.
You’re allowed to say, “I need help.”
You’re allowed to rest without guilt.
True strength isn’t about how much you can hold in. It’s about how honest you can be with yourself and the people who care about you.
Let’s start normalizing:
Rest over burnout
Softness over stoicism
Support over silence
Connection over isolation
Final Thoughts: Strength Is Not One-Size-Fits-All
Next time someone calls you strong, take a moment.
Yes, you are strong—but not because you hold it all in. You’re strong because you’re real, tender, open, and growing. You’re strong because of your vulnerability.
And if you’re soft, sensitive, or struggling today?
That’s not weakness. That’s being a human who is authentic.
That’s still strength—just in a quieter, more honest form. Don’t forget you have that soft heart and strong back.
Ready to stop being “strong” and start being real and vulnerable? Therapy can support you in learning how to slow down without shame. Reach out if you’re ready to explore this work together.