Why Rest Is So Hard—And Why You Desperately Need It

In a world that praises and encourages productivity and hustle, rest has become a radical act. Think about it, we are constantly encouraged to be a part of hustle culture.

As a therapist, I see this all the time: people arrive in my office exhausted, burned out, and disconnected from themselves. They’re not sleeping well, they feel something is just wrong. They feel anxious even during downtime. The monkey chatter in the brain is constant. They try to relax, but it doesn’t feel... restful. Many admit they feel guilt for relaxing.

So many of us are deeply uncomfortable with rest. But rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. In this post, we’ll explore why rest is so valuable for your mental health and well-being, and why it can feel so hard to actually do.

The Value of Rest

Let’s start with why rest matters—really matters.

Rest isn't just about sleep (though quality sleep is essential). Rest includes anything that allows your body and mind to recover, reset, and recharge. It can look like closing your eyes for a few minutes, taking a quiet walk, journaling, listening to music, or even doing nothing at all.

Here’s what rest offers us:

• Rest restores your nervous system. Chronic stress keeps your body in a state of hyperarousal. This means we feel on edge, our muscle are tense and our heart rate is often elevated. Thoughts are racing and constant. Rest shifts you back into your parasympathetic nervous system—the state where healing and digestion can occur. Where we are able to regulate ourselves and feel safe.

• Rest sharpens your mind. You’re not imagining it—your focus, memory, and creativity improve when you’re well-rested. Rest allows your brain to integrate information and form new connections.

• Rest improves your emotional regulation. When you’re depleted, you’re more reactive, more anxious, and more irritable. Rest creates emotional space and resilience.

• Rest strengthens relationships. When you’re rested, you're more present, patient, and connected to the people around you. Trust me on this one… ask my husband how I can get when I don’t get my daily rest time.

Rest is not passive. It’s active repair.

Why Rest Feels So Hard

If rest is so good for us, why is it so difficult?

There are a few reasons—both cultural and psychological—that make resting challenging, even when we want to rest.

1. We equate rest with laziness.

From a young age, many of us are conditioned that our worth is tied to what we do. We internalize the message: “If you’re not being productive, you’re falling behind.” This toxic productivity mindset can make rest feel like failure instead of care.

2. Our nervous systems are stuck in “on” mode.

If you’ve been in survival mode for a long time—due to trauma, chronic stress, or just the demands of life—your body may no longer know how to relax. Rest can actually feel unsafe or unfamiliar. You may feel restless, guilty, or like you’re crawling out of your skin.

3. Technology keeps us always “on.”

We’re constantly plugged in. Work emails, social media, texts, breaking news—it never ends. Even in moments of potential rest, we’re stimulating our minds with screens, which prevents true downtime. I truly miss the days of life before smartphones. 

4. Rest reveals what we’ve been avoiding.

Sometimes when we slow down, the emotions we’ve been suppressing start to surface—grief, anxiety, sadness, loneliness. It can feel easier to stay busy than to sit with what’s really going on inside.

How to Reclaim Rest

If you’re struggling to rest, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. Here are a few therapeutic tools to help you ease into rest without guilt or overwhelm.

1. Start small and gentle.

You don’t have to take a week off or completely unplug to benefit from rest. Try starting with 5-10 minutes a day. Take three deep breaths. Stretch. Lie down and close your eyes. Let that be enough for now. I like to call these micromovements. Micromovements are a great place to start when we want to build momentum for bigger and lasting changes. 

2. Notice the resistance without judgment.

When rest (or anything)feels hard, get curious. I always encourage my clients and my yoga students to get curious about what feelings and sensations they notice coming up for them. What thoughts come up? “I don’t deserve this.” “I should be doing something.” These thoughts are old stories and patterns—not facts. Acknowledge them, and gently return to rest.

3. Redefine what rest means for you.

Rest doesn’t have to look a certain way. For some, it’s solitude; for others, it’s connection. I love sitting outside and feeling the sun for a few minutes, it literally feels like it is recharging my soul. So does sitting by the ocean, cuddling with my dog. Maybe it’s creating art, being in nature, or listening to calming music. Ask yourself: What feels restorative to me?

4. Create boundaries around rest.

This might mean turning off notifications, setting work hours, or asking for help with responsibilities. Boundaries protect your energy and allow you to prioritize recovery.

Rest Is Your Birthright

As a therapist, I often tell my clients: You are allowed to rest. You do not have to earn it. You don’t need to justify it. You need it because you are human—not a machine. Let me say that again… you are not a machine despite what society tells you. 

When we rest, we reconnect with ourselves. We hear our own thoughts. Yes, this may cause more anxiety initially but with support you can work through those toxic patterns and release them. We access creativity, intuition, and healing. We become more resilient, more whole, and more aligned with who we truly are.

So let this be your reminder: Rest is not weakness. Rest is wisdom.

Want help making rest feel safe again? Therapy can support you in learning how to slow down without shame. Reach out if you’re ready to explore this work together.