Why Changing Your Mindset Doesn’t Work (Until You Do This First)
If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling through social media, you’ve probably seen posts urging you to “change your mindset” or “think more positively.” And let’s be real, the amount of various programs out there for sale about mindset work is staggering! The message sounds empowering and straightforward—but as a therapist, I can tell you that for many people, this advice falls flat in the long run. Just the other day, I had a client tell me she was feeling discouraged because she “worked hard” on “changing” her mindset but ended up still struggling with an issue.
Why? Because changing your mindset doesn’t work when deeper, negative core beliefs are running the show.
In this blog, I’ll explain why mindset shifts don’t stick unless you address and reprocess the negative beliefs you hold about yourself—and how real, lasting change happens when you start identifying and challenging those beliefs at the root.
The Mindset Myth
"Just change your mindset" sounds like a quick fix—and that’s part of the appeal. But if you’ve ever tried to replace anxious or self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations, only to end up feeling worse or like a fraud, you’re not alone. This is one of the reasons why I don’t recommend positive affirmations.
The truth is, mindset is a surface-level expression of much deeper mental and emotional patterns. Telling yourself “I am confident and capable” will do very little if you’re carrying a deep-rooted belief that “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up.”
It’s like putting a fresh coat of paint on a crumbling wall. It might look better for a while, but it doesn’t address the structural issues underneath.
What Are Negative Core Beliefs?
Negative core beliefs are deeply held “truths” we make about ourselves, other people, or the world. They’re usually formed in childhood and reinforced by repeated experiences over time.
Some common negative beliefs include:
“I’m unlovable.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I’m a failure.”
“People will always leave me.”
“I have to be perfect to be accepted.”
These beliefs often operate beneath the surface of our conscious awareness, shaping how we interpret experiences, react to challenges, and relate to others. They filter the world through a lens of fear, shame, or self-doubt—making it incredibly hard to just “think positively.”
Why Mindset Work Feels Frustrating Without This Step
If you try to change your mindset without addressing the core beliefs driving your negative self-talk, you’ll likely feel stuck, frustrated, or even ashamed that you can’t seem to think your way out of your emotions. You are just running on a hamster wheel doing this.
That’s because your thoughts aren’t just random—they’re connected to your beliefs. And beliefs are sticky. They’re not easy to let go of, because part of your mind thinks they’ve helped you survive, and in a lot of cases they may have helped you survive in the past but are no longer helping you today.
For example, if you believe “I’m not worthy,” you might interpret neutral feedback at work as proof you’re failing. Trying to think, “I’m doing great!” will feel hollow and unconvincing—because it contradicts your deeper programming.
This is where therapeutic work becomes powerful: helping you bring those hidden beliefs into awareness, question them, and gently replace them with something more realistic and self-compassionate.
How to Identify and Challenge Negative Beliefs
Here’s a simple but powerful process I use with clients to uncover and shift harmful core beliefs:
1. Notice Your Emotional Triggers
Start by paying attention to moments when you feel intense emotional reactions—shame, fear, anxiety, or hopelessness. Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself right now?” This helps reveal the thoughts underneath the emotion.
2. Look for the Pattern
Over time, you’ll notice similar themes repeating. Maybe you often feel rejected when someone doesn’t text back, or you feel like a failure when something doesn’t go perfectly. What belief might be underneath those reactions?
3. Challenge the Belief
Ask yourself:
Is this belief always true?
Where did I learn this?
What evidence do I have against it?
What would I say to a friend who believed this about themselves?
These questions help create distance between you and the belief, opening the door for new perspectives.
4. Create a New, Balanced Belief
Instead of jumping straight to overly positive affirmations, try something more grounded, like:
“I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
“It’s okay to make mistakes. I can learn and grow.”
“I am worthy of love and respect, even when I struggle.”
These statements don’t deny difficulty—they offer compassion and truth at the same time. This is what I recommend doing over positive affirmations.
If you do these steps and still find yourself struggling to get that felt sense of the new belief, try looking for an EMDR therapist like myself. Bottom up approaches to therapy (like EMDR) bring the body into therapy and help us to embody the new, adaptive beliefs that we have about ourselves. We can’t just think ourselves to new beliefs, we have to embody them.
Therapy Helps You Go Deeper
Therapy creates a safe space to explore these patterns with support. It’s often hard to spot your own blind spots, and having a therapist guide the process can be transformative. We can help you untangle your beliefs, process the pain that formed them, and build a new foundation of self-worth from the inside out.
Final Thoughts
Changing your mindset isn’t bad advice—it’s just incomplete.
Until you identify, challenge and rewire the negative beliefs about yourself that live beneath your mindset, you’ll continue to feel stuck in the same loops. Real transformation happens when you go deeper—not by slapping positivity over pain, but by healing the wounds that shaped your thinking in the first place.
So the next time someone tells you to “just think positive,” remember: You’re not broken because it doesn’t work. You’re just ready to do the real work—and that’s something to be proud of.