What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy? Understanding “Parts Work” for Healing and Self-Compassion
If you’ve ever said, “A part of me wants to do this, but another part doesn’t,” you’ve already described how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy views the human mind.
IFS, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, is a powerful approach to therapy that helps people understand and heal the different “parts” within them — the inner voices, feelings, and reactions that sometimes seem to pull in opposite directions.
Unlike approaches that focus only on changing behavior or thought patterns, IFS helps you build a compassionate relationship with all the parts of yourself — even the ones you might not like very much. LIke I tell most of my clients, if changing our thoughts and beliefs were so easy and lasted a long time, I don’t think therapy would exist!
The Core Idea: You Are Not Broken — You’re Made of Parts
IFS starts with a hopeful and gentle belief: you are not broken or disordered. You are made up of parts that have developed to help you survive life’s challenges.
These parts aren’t bad. They’re just carrying burdens, memories, or protective roles that made sense at one time — even if they don’t serve you now. Again, they helped you survive.
IFS helps you understand your parts with curiosity instead of judgment. As you get to know them, you create space for healing, calm, and clarity.
The Three Main Types of Parts
IFS organizes our inner world into three main types of parts:
Exiles: These are the wounded parts of us that hold painful emotions, memories, or beliefs — like shame, fear, or grief. They often carry the weight of past trauma or unmet needs.
Example: A part that feels “I’m not good enough” may have formed from childhood experiences of criticism or neglect.Managers: These parts try to keep life under control to prevent pain from surfacing. They might show up as perfectionism, overthinking, people-pleasing, or emotional detachment.
Example: The part that always needs to have a plan or keep everyone happy is a Manager.
3.Firefighters: When exiles’ pain breaks through, Firefighters rush in to put out the emotional fire — often through impulsive or numbing behaviors like overeating, scrolling, drinking, drugs, sex or overworking.
Example: The part that binge-watches TV after a stressful day may be a Firefighter trying to soothe you.
Each part has a reason for existing, even if its strategies are outdated, dangerous or unhelpful.
The Self: The Calm Center Within You
In IFS, beneath all of your parts is your Self — your core, unburdened essence. The Self is calm, compassionate, curious, and connected.
When you lead from Self, you can listen to your parts without being overwhelmed by them. You can comfort the anxious one, reassure the critical one, and care for the hurt one — instead of letting them run the show.
IFS isn’t about silencing or fighting your parts; it’s about helping them trust the Self to lead.
What an IFS Therapy Session Looks Like
An IFS therapist helps guide you through conversations with your inner parts. Rather than analyzing them from the outside, you’re encouraged to get to know them directly — often by noticing where you feel them in your body, what emotions they carry, and what they’re trying to protect you from.
You might hear your therapist say things like:
“Can you notice that anxious part and ask it what it’s afraid would happen if it didn’t do its job?”
“How do you feel toward that critical part of you?”
This process helps you understand your inner world with compassion and curiosity. Over time, parts begin to relax, trust your Self, and release the burdens they’ve carried for years.
Why People Love IFS Therapy
Many people find IFS deeply healing because it:
Encourages self-compassion instead of shame.
Validates all parts of your experience — even conflicting ones.
Integrates body and mind through awareness of sensations and emotions.
Empowers lasting change from the inside out, not just quick fixes.
It’s particularly helpful for trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, and people who feel “stuck” in self-criticism or perfectionism. I use it often in my sessions and even blend it with EMDR.
How IFS Differs from Other Therapies
IFS doesn’t label parts as symptoms or try to get rid of them. We actually want you to have a choice of when and if these parts are needed. Where traditional talk therapy might focus on analyzing your thoughts, IFS focuses on listening to the internal system with curiosity. Where CBT might challenge a belief, IFS asks, “What part of you believes that, and what does it need?”
That shift — from control to compassion — is what makes IFS so transformative. It gives you choice, which is so important especially in recovering from trauma.
Final Thoughts: Coming Home to Yourself
Internal Family Systems therapy is ultimately about wholeness. It helps you unblend from the voices of fear, shame, or self-criticism, and reconnect with your True Self — the part of you that’s always been wise, calm, and kind.
In IFS, healing doesn’t mean erasing parts of yourself; it means seeing them and welcoming them.
You might be surprised by how much peace comes from turning inward — and listening.
If you’re looking for a therapist to help you learn more about your parts, I offer therapy for eating disorders, trauma, and anxiety in Marietta, GA, Coconut Creek, FL and virtually across GA, FL and SC.