Why the EMDR Session on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Was Not a Good Example of EMDR
(And What Real EMDR Actually Looks Like)
Ok. Confession time… I LOVE reality TV. RHOBC, yes. Vanderpump Rules, how many classic quotes come from there, especially from Stassi. Crying while watching Family Karma. I also love talking about reality shows, many of you are aware of this. When therapy scenes are shown though, I hold my breath and cringe big time. Why? Reality TV loves a dramatic therapy moment—but EMDR (and therapy) is not drama. It’s neuroscience, structure, pacing, dual awareness, safety, and a carefully attuned therapeutic relationship. Unfortunately, the EMDR session shown on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has sparked confusion among viewers, therapists, and potential clients who are trying to understand what EMDR actually is.
As an EMDR therapist trained in trauma, dissociation, and nervous system–based work, I want to clarify why the session featured on the show is not representative of EMDR practice—and what ethical, trauma-informed EMDR really involves.
Disclaimer—I truly hope that the therapist featured did EMDR safely and didn’t skip over any of these steps, especially since the other phases are not as “dramatic” for TV.
EMDR Is an Eight-Phase Model—Not Just Rapid Eye Movements
In the episode, viewers saw what looked like a therapist jumping straight into eye movements or tapping without much context or preparation.
But EMDR is not the BLS (bilateral stimulation). EMDR is an eight-phase, structured protocol that includes a full clinical history, treatment planning, preparing the client’s nervous system, psychoeducation, building resourcing skills, identifying the target memories, desensitization (with BLS), installation of adaptive beliefs, body scan, closure and reevaluation.
On TV, you saw what looked like a single snippet—not the eight-phase protocol that ensures safety, readiness, and clinical containment. I feel like this is one of the biggest issues I encounter as an EMDR therapist, people not realizing that EMDR is much much more than me using bilateral stimulation. I spend a lot of time educating potential clients on what EMDR actually is and how it is much more than just Phase 4 (what was shown on Secret Lives).
There Was No Demonstrated Preparation Phase (and That’s a Big Problem)
In EMDR, prep is nonnegotiable—especially for complex trauma, attachment trauma, religious trauma, or any high-intensity memory. It’s possible to spend days, months or even years in this phase.
The preparation phase includes:
Teaching grounding skills
Orienting the client to bilateral stimulation
Explaining what EMDR is and isn’t
Making sure the client can obtain dual awareness and identify feelings and sensations
Ensuring the client’s window of tolerance
On the show, it appeared the therapist moved straight into processing. This can easily flood a client, trigger dissociation, or worsen symptoms—especially when cameras, producers, and performance anxiety already shrink the window of tolerance. No wonder Mikayla had the reaction she did!
It Showed Emotional Release—but Not Reprocessing
The show highlighted the emotional intensity of the Mikayla’s reaction, which makes for dramatic TV.
But emotional release during EMDR is not the goal.
Actual EMDR reprocessing involves:
Tracking shifts in the memory
Linking memories and neural networks
Updating maladaptive beliefs
Reducing somatic distress
Integrating an adaptive perspective
In the episode, viewers saw emotion without context—catharsis portrayed as “breakthrough,” which reinforces the misconception that EMDR is about “crying it out.”
But EMDR is about neurological processing, not big emotional moments. It’s shifting maladaptive beliefs into adaptive beliefs.
It Left Out the Therapist’s Ongoing Assessment and Interweaves
An EMDR therapist doesn’t simply “start the tapping and see what happens.”
We constantly evaluate for:
Dissociation
Overwhelm
Blocking beliefs
Stuck processing
Somatic dysregulation
The need for interweaves
None of that nuance appeared on screen.
Without showing how therapists course-correct or support the client’s internal system, viewers were left with a one-dimensional, misleading impression. Again, let’s really hope the therapist did all this. However, it’s a concern that while demonstrating a live therapy session, so much is left out which leads to a lot of misunderstanding.
The Environment Did Not Reflect Trauma-Informed Safety
Cameras. Producers. Microphones. Bright lights.
Already, that’s a nervous-system nightmare. I would be soooo out of my window of tolerance and not in Self if I was being filmed!
Real EMDR depends on:
Somatic safety
Relational safety
Slowed pacing
Lack of external pressure
A private, contained environment
Processing trauma on camera is not just clinically questionable—it’s ethically questionable and not aligned with best practices for trauma work.
There Was No Closure Phase
EMDR therapists never end a session without:
Nervous system grounding
Orienting back to present
Ensuring the client is stable
Reviewing the plan for self-care
Closing the target memory
Because the show cut away immediately after a big emotional moment, viewers were left with the idea that EMDR “ends” with the client dysregulated.
That’s not closure, and it’s not good EMDR. It also was incredibly strange to me that the therapist immediately recommended to pause further individual sessions for Mikayla and to start couples sex therapy! I would think that couples sex therapy would be much more helpful when she is able to reprocess her sexual abuse trauma!
It Reinforced the Myth That EMDR Is a Quick Fix
Reality TV loves a miracle.
But EMDR is not “one session and you’re healed.”
For most people—especially those with:
Attachment trauma
Religious trauma
Complex trauma
Dissociation
Chronic shame
Long-term conditioning
—EMDR takes time, stabilization, and a therapeutic relationship that can hold complexity.
The show’s portrayal encouraged the misconception that EMDR is an instant cathartic cure.
In reality, it’s a methodical, evidence-based, long-term healing approach.
It Reduced EMDR to a Performance Instead of a Collaborative Process
The therapist appeared to be doing EMDR to the client, not with the client.
Actual EMDR is deeply collaborative:
The client has choice at every step
The therapist tracks consent moment-to-moment
The client sets the pace
The therapist stays attuned and responsive
On the show, the dynamic appeared more like a guided spectacle than a shared healing process.
What Real EMDR Looks Like
A true EMDR session is:
✔ Structured
✔ Slow and titrated
✔ Grounded in safety
✔ Based on readiness
✔ Collaborative
✔ Neuroscience-informed
✔ Not for entertainment
Real EMDR is not about producing tears on camera and for the ratings—it’s about rewiring how the brain holds trauma so the client can live with more choice and regulation.
Final Thoughts: EMDR Is Powerful—But It Must Be Done Responsibly
EMDR can be life-changing when done ethically and skillfully.
But the version shown on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives lacked context, preparation, safety, and fidelity to the protocol.
If anything, this episode gives therapists an opportunity to educate clients on what EMDR actually is, and why proper training and trauma-informed practice truly matter.
If you are interested in learning more about EMDR, I offer intensive and adjunctive sessions. I promise it will be very different from you what you see on TV!
If you’re looking for a therapist to help you learn more about improving your relationship with your body, I offer therapy for eating disorders, trauma, and anxiety in Marietta, GA, Coconut Creek, FL and virtually across GA, FL and SC.