Can We Take the Morality Issue out of Food Please?
Why Guilt Doesn’t Belong with Food: A Therapist’s Take
We’ve all been there. You grab a donut and immediately think, I’m being so bad today! Or maybe you opt for a salad and tell yourself, I’m being so good! But here’s the thing: food doesn’t have moral value. Food is food. It’s important to take the morality issue out of food.
As an eating disorder and disordered eating therapist (yes, there is a difference; yes, food issues exist on a spectrum; yes, almost everyone struggles with disordered eating), I see firsthand how labeling food as “good” or “bad” creates unnecessary guilt and stress.
Let’s be real—food guilt is the worst. You take a bite of your favorite chocolate cake, and before you even finish chewing, that little voice in your head chimes in: *Should you really be eating this?* Spoiler alert: Yes, you should! And I promise you that the stress you cause yourself for feeling guilt or shame is worse than the amazing chocolate cake! Let’s unpack why you never need to feel bad about eating and how to embrace a guilt-free relationship with food. Before I break this down further, I want to remind you that guilt implies you’ve done something wrong or bad; you’ve broken a rule or a law. Shame means that you feel like you’re a bad person and as the amazing Brene Brown defines it, unworthy of love and belonging. So why are we saying that we are bad or doing something wrong if we eat something.
1. Food is Not a Moral Issue
Food is food, not a moral compass. There are no “good” or “bad” foods—just food. As my good friend and colleague, Caroline Young, RD, LD of Whole Self Nutrition loves to say, “you only need to feel guilt about food you steal!” If we do want to categorize food, I suggest using the terms connected to Intuitive Eating which are “nutrient dense” and “fun” foods. Labeling food as “bad” creates an unnecessary emotional burden, making you feel guilty for simply nourishing your body. Don’t even get me started on the marketing out there that just reinforces food morality, but pay attention to the food you purchase. Why are you drawn to something labeled “guilt free” or “skinny.” These only reinforce the toxicity of designating food as “food or bad.” Instead of focusing on restriction, try focusing on gentle nourishment. Before you ask, I define restriction as any food group that you won’t consume just for morality issues, not if you have a true medical reason to abstain.
2. Your Body Knows What It Needs
Your body is pretty smart, actually it’s unbelievably smart—it tells you when it’s hungry and when it’s full. However, we are taught at a young age to distrust our body cues and many of us lose connection with our hunger and fullness cues. Ignoring hunger because of arbitrary food rules often leads to more cravings, overeating, or an unhealthy relationship with food. Trusting and often reconnecting with your body’s cues helps you develop intuitive eating habits that honor your physical and mental health. Working with a registered and licensed dietitian can be very helpful in teaching you how to reconnect with your hunger cues and what your body actually needs! Oh! That reminds me! Your body DOES need more than 1200 calories a day! 1200 daily calories is a recommendation for toddler. You’re an adult, eat like one!
3. Guilt Doesn’t Make Food Healthier
Feeling guilty about eating doesn’t suddenly make a donut a kale salad. And let’s be real… if you’re craving a donut, nothing is going to satisfy that craving until you eat the damn donut! No matter what ridiculous influencer is showing you what they “allegedly” eat when they have a craving! What it *does* do is make eating way less enjoyable and can contribute to stress, which actually affects digestion and as I mentioned earlier is worse than the fun food you are eating! Instead of guilt-tripping yourself, practice mindfulness and enjoy your food without judgment. Remember that mindfulness means paying attention on purpose without judgment.
4. Food is Meant to Be Enjoyed
Food isn’t just about survival—it’s about connection, culture, and joy! Think about holiday feasts, birthday cakes, and cozy Sunday brunches. I live in South Florida part time and let me tell you, nobody brunches like those of us in South Florida! Some of life’s best moments revolve around food. When I make some of my favorite foods, I am instantly transported back to that special time. For example, shrimp creole takes me back to spending summers in the Low Country with my family. Vegetable Biryani brings me back to teaching yoga in India. Why would I deny myself the experience of eating momos and Tibetan bread in the Himalayas. Fish tacos with my husband in Costa Rica on our honeymoon after ATV riding. My grandmother’s squash casserole on Christmas. Denying myself these experiences because of guilt? Not worth it.
5. Mental Health Matters Too
Obsessing over food choices can negatively impact your mental well-being. I’ll say it again, obsessing over a food choice is worse than the actual food! A rigid mindset around food can lead to stress, anxiety, and even disordered eating patterns. I’ve seen people come to family dinners with their already prepared meals of a baked protein and vegetable. The stress and agony that person was experiencing was heartbreaking to me. Giving yourself permission to eat freely without guilt supports both your physical and mental health. Just a tip, if you’re stressing or obsessing over what you are eating, that’s a sign that it’s unhealthy and likely disordered.
How to Let Go of Food Guilt
Ditch the diet mentality: Focus on nourishment, satisfaction and satiety, not restriction. Break up with diet culture and arbitrary food rules. Don’t even get me started on how much money the diet and wellness industries earn yearly making us feel anxious, insecure and small (literally and figuratively. Own the space you occupy! Don’t be afraid to take up space!
Practice self-kindness: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would a child.
Enjoy food mindfully: Savor your meals with minimal distraction.
Honor your body and learn to really listen to it: Honor hunger and fullness cues. This often requires eating more frequently and regularly as we are often not in touch with our hunger and fullness cues.
Seek support: If food guilt is overwhelming, a therapist or dietitian can help. However, please make sure that they have experience in working with eating disorders and approach these issues with an Intuitive Eating and/or weight-inclusive lens.
Final Thoughts
You deserve to eat without guilt. Your worth isn’t measured by the number of calories you consume, and food should be a source of joy, nourishment and pleasure, not shame. So go ahead—eat the cake, savor the pizza, and enjoy every delicious bite. Leave the guilt and shame out of your choices and recipes! As I often tell people, you don’t feel guilty for breathing air (which we need to survive), so don’t feel guilty for eating (which we will need to not only survive, but thrive). Leave the guilt and shame off your plate! Your body (and mind) will thank you!
If you’re wanting to work on healing your relationship with yourself and your body and learn to let go of old, toxic beliefs join myself and fellow therapist, Keira Oseroff Lambert as we host a retreat in Panama (the country)! Additional details can be found here!